To Exist
by Wah-Keetcha
Summary: "I don't understand it, everyone shuns me and talks behind my back. I'm sure they don't think I can hear them, but I can. They treat me like a ghost or ignore me totally. Some days I think it's just that, I am nothing."


To Exist

Author: Wah-Keetcha

A/N: Found this on my external hard drive the other day, dusted it off and finished it. Posting it up just for kicks, like it? Hate it? 'Wah, wtf is this crap?' awesome, it's just for kicks!

The sun had already started to set as Kakashi makes his way slowly back to his apartment hands in his pockets and shoulders slouched a bit. Frowning behind the black mask the silver haired Ninja scans the abandoned street ahead of him, noting that he's already too late to pick up something to eat from the outdoor market and resists the urge to curse at his misfortune.

"Hatake." a woman's voice catches the man's attention and he turns, fixing the older woman with his single sleepy eye as she approaches. For a moment the Shinobi is set on edge by the scowl adorning the woman's features, a look he had seen a lot as a child while studying in her library.

"Madam Kameko." He addresses respectfully as the elderly woman cocks and eyebrow at his tone but doesn't remark on it. In all his years Kakashi has never seen the woman smile but has long given up the childish belief her face might crack if she did. Like all the other students to go through the Ninja Academy he spent long periods of time studying scrolls and committing to memory lessons under the sharp eyed and barbed tongued librarian.

"I have a student of yours in my archives at the moment, one Uzamaki Naruto." The name is spat with the same indifference she's always treated children in the village. None of them hold a special place in this woman's heart; to her they are all the same and aren't to be treated any differently. The fact that Madame Kameko would view Naruto – the most scorned person in the village – just as she views everyone else warms Kakashi's heart for a moment. The woman was present during the attack on the village, keeping safe the young mothers and vulnerable children in the basement of the structure, she mourned the death of her son at the claws of the fox but still didn't treat Naruto any differently.

"What's he doing?" he asks idly as the woman spins sharply on her heel, an impressive maneuver for someone of her rumored age and marches back towards her beloved library fully expecting the younger Shinobi to follow.

"He's tearing apart my community archives, scrolls _everywhere_." She states simply a growl edging on her voice as she steps through the doorway into the library. Kakashi allows himself a moment of amazement as he scans the massive shelves, piled nearly with sorted and cataloged scrolls. The musty smell of old parchment and dried ink tickles his sensitive nose even through the mask, leaving the man with the urge to sneeze.

"He's through there." She indicates a closed set of tall doors, their ornate carvings polished with care, bringing out the warm golden brown color. With a nod to the elderly woman the tall Shinobi moves to open the door but stops when a cold and boney hand latches itself to his forearm, forcing the Shinobi to twist so she isn't in his blind spot. For a moment the ever present scowl disappears, replaced now with a look of sadness.

"After the Fourth perished his successor had all records of the boys birth wiped from my records and as you know those who survived were given orders to never utter a word. I realize now what a mistake it was to do so, for a youngling not to know his parentage is a crime in and of itself." She states and for a moment Kakashi can see the care in the pale blue eyes and the shame etched into the features of her now wrinkled face.

"I know you only consider yourself a teacher Kakashi but where in teaching do you _not_ become like a parent? Growing up without an authority figure has caused the boy to have little respect for anyone, as his _teacher_ you have to be that figure. You had a wonderful role model in your own teacher; I believe it's time you returned the favor." She states before letting go of his arm and shuffling away, suddenly looking _much_ older than just a few minutes ago. Kakashi stands before the door, listening the angry muttering from inside and collects his thoughts.

Minato Namikaze was indeed a good role model to the then, young and easily disheartened Kakashi, a genius who had recently lost his father and gained the contempt of the village in his stead. The older Shinobi became the student's confidant and cheerleader, always pushing the youngster to achieve goals he thought near impossible. In hindsight the silver haired warrior is left to smile at some of his teacher's antics, often employed to provide self esteem in the early days and then level headed reminders as he got older. In the end, he never had a true chance to thank the man for being the one constant in his turbulent life and to apologize for causing him so much grief.

She was right.

It's time to return the favor.

Squaring his jaw and putting on his best unperturbed expression the tall Shinobi pushes open the doors and walks into the archive room, ducking absently to avoid a haphazardly thrown scroll. With a swift look Kakashi can see what made the elderly librarian so upset, it wasn't just a _few_ scrolls cast aside, oh no.

It's all five of the large shelving units worth.

With a soft sigh the Jounin hones in on his explosive student, finding him resting atop one of the tall units, his blue eyes speeding over a scroll before sighing dejectedly and tossing it aside. His sour expression doesn't change but Kakashi can see the subtle narrowing of his slender eyebrows and the determined scowl beginning.

"Let me guess, you were looking for the apartment building codes when the scrolls suddenly attacked you?" Kakashi asks suddenly, his voice cutting through the silence in the small room. The young ninja's reaction would have been priceless if not for the suddenly hurled kunai the older Shinobi was forced to dodge. Of course he did this with ease, having readied himself for one of two possible reactions, he was a former member of ANBU, if he couldn't dodge three kunai thrown by a rank amateur he'd bury _himself_ six feet under.

"Oh it's you. Thought it was that Tortoise coming back to lecture me." Naruto states from atop the shelving unit, his expression sour. Kakashi blinks at the teen for a minute before crossing his arms, trying to look peaceful among the destruction.

"So you were going to throw kunai at her?" he asks, a little shocked at the boys blatant disregard for the safety of a civilian. Naruto shrugs his narrow shoulders and leaps from the tall shelf, his sandaled feet hitting the poured stone floor with a loud _smack_.

"What are you doing Naruto?" the Shinobi presses, deciding to approach the lecture of not throwing weapons at defenseless old women later. The teen is silent for a few minutes, his fingers idly brushing along a scroll balancing on a table's edge.

"This was my last chance…" the youngster trails off, voice catching in his throat. Kakashi watches as the boy struggles with his emotions. So much emotion and compassion and loneliness pent up in that small body, the desire to be _accepted_ and _loved_, it's a heartbreaking thing to witness. For all of Naruto's boasting and outward portrayl of strength Kakashi knows that inside, the boy is a mess of insecurities and longing.

"I'll help you clean this up." Kakashi states and kneels and begins to pick up the discarded scrolls near his feet, fingers nimble as they reroll any parchment in need of it. He can feel Naruto's eyes on him, the piercing blue gaze so much like his former teachers it's _painful_ too look at.

"Why?" the single question is asked and Kakashi is forced to pause in his efforts. Due to the child being in his blind spot the Jounin moves a fraction so he can fix the boy with his single eye, studying and calculating. Naruto seems to flinch under the attention, unsure if he managed to tick off the Elite Ninja kind enough to help him.

"Why to what question Naruto?" he asks slowly, watching as the blue eyes begin to water a bit but the determination of the boy blinks them away, pushing the sadness away as he addresses his teacher.

"Why aren't I in _any_ of these records? My parent's names are erased, even my birth date is blank, why?" he states angrily kicking aside a wayward scroll, sending it flying close to Kakashi. With a single motion the scroll is caught in the long pale fingers of the older Ninja, his single eye narrowing slightly in disapproval but the boy seems not to care, instead turning away, eyes locking onto the polished surface of the table.

"Do I even truly exist?" he asks, eyes hooded and shoulders slumped under the weight of unknowing. Kakashi stands and places the scrolls on the table top, his single eye studying the student.

"I don't understand it, everyone shuns me and talks behind my back. I'm sure they don't think I can hear them, but I can. They treat me like a ghost or ignore me totally. Some days I think it's just that, I am nothing." Naruto states sadly, carrying on oblivious to his teacher's gaze. A single tear hits the table top, splattering outwards and against his better judgment the Jounin is suddenly beside the boy, a hand gripping his shoulder and spinning him around. A pale hand slams into the boy's chest, right above his heart, pale fingers splayed.

"Do you feel this?" Kakashi asks fiercely and watches the boy's expression turn from shock to curiosity. With a slight nod the child bites his lip, unsure of his teacher's lesson.

"This is the _only_ proof you will _ever_ need to know that you exist. The beating of your own heart is the only thing that matters, not some words scrawled onto a scroll stating your parentage, it's this." He pushes a little bit harder, his palm cool against the youngster's warmth.

"But.." Naruto begins, his voice shaking ever so slightly. Kakashi only sighs and removes his hand from the chest the warmth evaporating as the chill attaches itself to his hand once more.

"No buts Naruto. If you go through life dwelling on things you don't know you'll soon loose sight of the future you desire." Kakashi states, the words of his former teacher coming back to him. The tall Shinobi smiles slightly behind his mask, remembering the hardened look on the usually jovial teacher's face, the same hardened determination behind his vivid blue eyes can still be seen in the same blue eyes of his son. Naruto stares at his lithe teacher, having never heard the low tone of voice, filled with emotion before. Kakashi's single eye retains a faraway look and even with half his face covered the blond haired teen can see the sadness creeping up. He'd seen the signs before, every time his Sensei visited the Memorial Stone and for days after. Naruto isn't as oblivious as everyone assumes he is, having spent most of his childhood observing the people of the village from afar has taught him how to read human emotion and judge the outcomes of those emotions. Seeing the far off look in his teacher's eye causes the young ninja-in-training some concern.

"A great man must have told you that." He remarks softly, the faraway look disappearing quickly as Kakashi looks at him. Naruto swallows thickly, unsure of how to proceed.

"Is the person who told you that… is their name on the Memorial Stone?" he backs away at Kakashi's started look, reading the man's body language not as surprise but as a threat. Kakashi watches the teen for a moment before nodding slowly, his tone barely changing.

"Yes, he was a great man and his name is on that stone." Naruto doesn't celebrate this small victory in finding more about his teacher, a personal confession like this doesn't seem to count as a win.

"You must miss him a lot." Naruto states, watching as Kakashi bends down once more to pick up another fallen scroll, long, battle nicked fingers slowly rolling the parchment back into place, eye focused on his task.

"I do." Is all that is said as he places the fully rolled scroll on the tabletop before picking up another scroll. Naruto stands in silence for a moment before looking around the ruined archive and sighs, realizing now how messy he'd made it. He kneels down, gathering up several scrolls, rolling them quickly and half-heartedly. Teacher and student continue their tasks in silence for a while, the moonlight growing brighter outside the large paneled widows. Naruto slides the last scroll back into place, glancing around for any others that had been missed before looking over to Kakashi gently blowing out the oil lamp at the far end.

"It's going to get dark." He warns as the final lamp is extinguished, his nearly soundless steps moving with grace through the darkness. Naruto shivers in the darkness as the lithe ninja passes, heading for the door.

"Sensei?" he calls as Kakashi's hand is about to turn the handle on the door. The warrior stands for a moment, glancing over his shoulder as permission for the younger man to continue.

"Is it possible to miss someone you've never met before?" he asks quietly, words so softly spoken that they were barely audible in the still room. Kakashi ponders for a moment, taking his time in formulating an answer. Naruto, discouraged by his teacher's silence wipes a hand along his face and pushes past the teacher, cheekily thanking him as he passes.

"Naruto." The single words pulls the teen up short, making him stop in the foyer of the public archives, a chill spreading down his spine at the call.

"I think it is possible to miss those you've never met. We mourn those that have died without fully knowing them and as such we force ourselves to know them by remembering them and making up their lives and what they would have been like in the future or the past." Kakashi states, his words carrying through the foyer without an echo. Naruto's eyes widen and tears prick behind them as he watches the tall man close the door behind him. Slowly the blond teen makes his way out of the archives and back to his own place, dropping face first onto the mattress and breathing deeply.

"I do exist, believe it."

A/N: Just over 5 pages. One shot I figured I should finish while attempting to write another chapter to Repaying the Favor. Sadly all my story ideas died when my last Ipod went through the washer, leaving it dead so, that's why if you've been waiting for 'RtF' to be updated it hasn't. I am looking for a story though… it is a Kakashi story in which he is captured by is 'uncle' and forced to procreate with some women. The ANBU along with Iruka goes to save him but when they find him 'the wolf' persona had taken over. If anyone knows this story, please let me know.

Thanks for reading!


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